Information I wish I'd had when trying to prepare for the unpreparable

MY MISCARRIAGE STORY

12:15pm, I took a Codeine with Tylenol, and then inserted four Misoprostol pills vaginally. My 3.5 year old daughter is painting at the dining room table and watching Peppa Pig while I now lay on the couch with a heating pad. I am internally freaking the eff out.

1pm, the cramps are starting, but mild and bearable. My anxiety is the main issue right now: the few detailed accounts I find on Google are terrifying.

3:15pm, felt like nothing was happening but just checked and there’s a small amount of fresh blood. Cramps are still mild. Time to take the second Misoprostol dose.

My daughter is now with a babysitter and my friend came over until my husband gets home, so it’s been nice (and distracting) to have company.

4:30pm, and the miscarriage is progressing very slowly.

The entire pregnancy has felt like nothing but waiting.

The two week wait. Waiting, full of hope, for my first ultrasound.

Waiting (and failing) to hear the heartbeat. Waiting to miscarry.

I would have been 12 weeks today.

7:40pm, and the miscarriage pain is still bearable, but approaching worst menstrual cramps of my life-level. Not as bad (yet) as my induction when 41+6 pregnant. Hurts to stand up or walk, so I’m glued to the couch with my trusty heating pad.

8:15pm, Daughter called me upstairs for a goodnight kiss. After, went to bathroom, pushed, and passed a golf ball-size clot into a sitz bath. Collected it and put in a sterile saline jar my OB sent to me, so we can try to test for chromosomal abnormalities.

I don’t think the worst is over, but am not sure.

11pm, clots & blood still coming. My doctor called and we spoke for 20 minutes (She’s the best) and she’s happy a big one passed. The pain is still intense and I have a headache. Tea, heating pad, The Americans, my sweet husband, and supportive comments are getting me through.

Physically, the worst seems to be over. I passed several more large globs last night before bed, and then passed out for 10 hours.

When I woke up this morning, my stomach felt soft and pliable. Empty. I’m barely bleeding anymore. It feels like there’s nothing left inside me.